it's Good Friday. isn't it supposed to be like the day to blog and think deep thoughts about what this day represents? probably. just to preface, mine probably won't be that deep.
today, I remember what my Saviour, Jesus Christ did for me although i should remember every day sometimes it's one of those, "thanks God. You know I appreciate You. You know i wouldn't be here without You". but sometimes, it's good to really sit and remember that the God who made the entire universe is in love with me. He's in love with you too. c.s. lewis is my favourite and he wrote, "Christ died for men precisely because men are not worth dying for; to make them worth it". gosh that blows my mind. it blows my mind that the God who created things i can't even fathom cheers for me when i'm happy and when i'm confused or sad He puts His arms around me because He is concerned for me. wow.
In reading the Easter story, I came across Matthew 26:50. Matthew's account is probably my favourite because even when Judas betrays Jesus, Jesus still calls him Friend.
i'm usually anti-cliche' statements, and i think it's sad that it has almost become a statement that doesn't mean anything anymore when we say, "oh yeah God, thanks for sending Jesus to die for me and for raising Him from the dead" and we really don't think of everything that really meant. of everything that really means.
today, i am once again reminded that Amazing Grace is more than just a song because i'm the wretch that song talks about. i really was that miserable, despicable person who was saved by the overwhelming Love of an incredible God.
so,
i reflect on today...the day that made Sunday Good.
Thursday, April 9, 2009
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
the interracial thoughts from the mixed girl
they say to never write when you're angry....or something like that. well, i may be a little upset, but the upside is that i'm not writing based on something that has happened to me recently, but to someone i care about.
so, i bring up a topic. i guess it's a question of race and dating. you date someone of a different race and they legitimately like you, but, you're not the right colour. funny thing is: happens when you date non-Christians, but just the same with Christians too.
then you have the other side-those that date you because you're the exotic girl. which...if that's your agenda-there are like at least 3 billion people in the world who are not of the same colour as you. pick them for your little exotic experiment.
what brings about this righteous indignation? or something like it? it can affect everyone-even a friend that's white who was dating someone not white and the other non-white had a problem. why? the parents had a problem.
why can't people not like people based on personality? tell me that i talk too much or that i'm too bossy or that i'm too spiritual. but do NOT under any circumstance when race is the case act like it's not just to ease your conscience.
i'm not naive. i lived in springfield, mo. for 4 years-ethnic population total of all minorities at the time was like 3%. i've dealt with people who have treated me badly or made the mistake of treating my parents badly because of race. it happens. i get it. but why? i can't even count the number of times it's happened. not just to me, but to legitimately good people and that's what makes me angry.
so i guess the question i pose is why does this even happen? if people aren't interested why can't we just not be interested? don't flirt, don't date when you know that nothing is going to happen in the first place. and as for not wanting to hurt the other person, either two things can happen 1) you already did or 2) they've been through it before and can't get hurt
or 2nd question-what makes it okay for someone to say: it's okay to date an asian, and maybe a native american, but not a black person. what's the difference? what's the line of what's okay to marry? it's all too confusing for this mixed chick to handle.
and if you think that way even if it's just way down deep in your subconscious: just know-you may be happy. but one day, you're going to look at your life and think, "i could've had better. if only i wasn't so stupid".
so, i bring up a topic. i guess it's a question of race and dating. you date someone of a different race and they legitimately like you, but, you're not the right colour. funny thing is: happens when you date non-Christians, but just the same with Christians too.
then you have the other side-those that date you because you're the exotic girl. which...if that's your agenda-there are like at least 3 billion people in the world who are not of the same colour as you. pick them for your little exotic experiment.
what brings about this righteous indignation? or something like it? it can affect everyone-even a friend that's white who was dating someone not white and the other non-white had a problem. why? the parents had a problem.
why can't people not like people based on personality? tell me that i talk too much or that i'm too bossy or that i'm too spiritual. but do NOT under any circumstance when race is the case act like it's not just to ease your conscience.
i'm not naive. i lived in springfield, mo. for 4 years-ethnic population total of all minorities at the time was like 3%. i've dealt with people who have treated me badly or made the mistake of treating my parents badly because of race. it happens. i get it. but why? i can't even count the number of times it's happened. not just to me, but to legitimately good people and that's what makes me angry.
so i guess the question i pose is why does this even happen? if people aren't interested why can't we just not be interested? don't flirt, don't date when you know that nothing is going to happen in the first place. and as for not wanting to hurt the other person, either two things can happen 1) you already did or 2) they've been through it before and can't get hurt
or 2nd question-what makes it okay for someone to say: it's okay to date an asian, and maybe a native american, but not a black person. what's the difference? what's the line of what's okay to marry? it's all too confusing for this mixed chick to handle.
and if you think that way even if it's just way down deep in your subconscious: just know-you may be happy. but one day, you're going to look at your life and think, "i could've had better. if only i wasn't so stupid".
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
because it's mad
so, it's been awhile. i realise i don't do well with remembering to post when nothing is really going on in my life-so i guess i should make something happen. or maybe stuff happens all the time and i just don't consider it significant enough to really notice.
this past week i went home for an entire week. and it was soooo good. it's just nice to be with people you love. and i got to hang out with my teenagers from home. sometimes, you just have to hang out with teenagers. they teach you so much. and after watching them grow up, it helps you understand the people who watch you grow up.
then some friends and i shut down bww's with playing dutch blitz. who would've thought they would've loved it so much? and when i say shut down-i literally mean it-we were the last ones besides the staff to leave, but we didn't notice that everyone had left.
and then, welcome to march madness-you know i usually don't care about college basketball. you may not either. if you don't. make a bracket. you will care. trust me. especially the brackets where you play and you can win money. it's like free money for having prophetic moments. hence, how upset i was when like 5 of the teams i picked lost. i've never watched that much basketball in my life. maybe i have- but now i know why it's called march madness.
so, i'm back in T, trying to finish these last few weeks. then, it's official, i'm taking the next year at least, maybe 2 off from school. why just may be another post.
peace,
p
this past week i went home for an entire week. and it was soooo good. it's just nice to be with people you love. and i got to hang out with my teenagers from home. sometimes, you just have to hang out with teenagers. they teach you so much. and after watching them grow up, it helps you understand the people who watch you grow up.
then some friends and i shut down bww's with playing dutch blitz. who would've thought they would've loved it so much? and when i say shut down-i literally mean it-we were the last ones besides the staff to leave, but we didn't notice that everyone had left.
and then, welcome to march madness-you know i usually don't care about college basketball. you may not either. if you don't. make a bracket. you will care. trust me. especially the brackets where you play and you can win money. it's like free money for having prophetic moments. hence, how upset i was when like 5 of the teams i picked lost. i've never watched that much basketball in my life. maybe i have- but now i know why it's called march madness.
so, i'm back in T, trying to finish these last few weeks. then, it's official, i'm taking the next year at least, maybe 2 off from school. why just may be another post.
peace,
p
Saturday, February 21, 2009
a rush of blood to the...fingers
so, i hope everyone had a good valentine's day-good in whatever way you wish to describe it. true, personally, i think it's a huge marketing scheme and hence don't really celebrate it, but i do try to get my mom and dad something because it somehow still surprises them and makes them happy. when they're happy i'm happy. but i apologize because you probably didn't ask for my opinion about valentine's day, but i decided to give it to you anyway.
so i've been in school for about 5 weeks. it's going i guess. i've found people who have given me hope as to the reason i'm here for this period of time. i've come to the conclusion that even if it's just for 3-4 people, it's worth it. i'm still not motivated which is so not like me, which makes me wonder if i've just relaxed so much to where i don't care, or if it's simply true- i really don't care. at least it's better than being the constant stressball i used to be. that's when it's nice to know that when Jesus said, "come to me and i will give you rest" He really meant it, well, not that He doesn't mean everything He says-but that's definitely one I find true all the time.
i've had kind of some down time lately-which is kind of dangerous, because it leaves me to think. a lot. like just think. about things. one of the things i have decided is to play the piano again. i realised the other day when someone thought i was being humble-which i hope i usually am- about my playing that i don't know if i know how to play anymore. here i was-winner of keyboard solo for oklahoma, in the top whatever percent classically in the state-at every competition and every piano camp (don't make fun of me) and i really enjoyed it. sure, i played for church groups usually when someone wouldn't show up because i can hear the tune and pretty much get it, but the challenge was gone. i still remember the rush at piano camp of playing a piece so well, i KNEW that Lecuona was clapping for me beyond the grave. it was the challenge that gave me the rush. before long, i didn't even notice that i was barely playing anymore.
then i wonder. what makes us lose the rush of the challenge as we get (fill in the blank here: older, more comfortable, etc, etc). why do start settling for mundane? why do we decide to be with the boring person? because it's easier? because it's cheaper? why?
have no fear. i have not turned boring, dear friends. but know that decisions will be made soon. it's going to get interesting.
~p
so i've been in school for about 5 weeks. it's going i guess. i've found people who have given me hope as to the reason i'm here for this period of time. i've come to the conclusion that even if it's just for 3-4 people, it's worth it. i'm still not motivated which is so not like me, which makes me wonder if i've just relaxed so much to where i don't care, or if it's simply true- i really don't care. at least it's better than being the constant stressball i used to be. that's when it's nice to know that when Jesus said, "come to me and i will give you rest" He really meant it, well, not that He doesn't mean everything He says-but that's definitely one I find true all the time.
i've had kind of some down time lately-which is kind of dangerous, because it leaves me to think. a lot. like just think. about things. one of the things i have decided is to play the piano again. i realised the other day when someone thought i was being humble-which i hope i usually am- about my playing that i don't know if i know how to play anymore. here i was-winner of keyboard solo for oklahoma, in the top whatever percent classically in the state-at every competition and every piano camp (don't make fun of me) and i really enjoyed it. sure, i played for church groups usually when someone wouldn't show up because i can hear the tune and pretty much get it, but the challenge was gone. i still remember the rush at piano camp of playing a piece so well, i KNEW that Lecuona was clapping for me beyond the grave. it was the challenge that gave me the rush. before long, i didn't even notice that i was barely playing anymore.
then i wonder. what makes us lose the rush of the challenge as we get (fill in the blank here: older, more comfortable, etc, etc). why do start settling for mundane? why do we decide to be with the boring person? because it's easier? because it's cheaper? why?
have no fear. i have not turned boring, dear friends. but know that decisions will be made soon. it's going to get interesting.
~p
Monday, February 9, 2009
say it johnny
Take out of your wasted honor
Every little past frustration
Take all your so called problems
Better put them in quotations
Say what you need to say
Walkin' like a one man army
Fightin' with the shadows in your head
Livin' up the same old moment
Knowin' you'd be better off instead
if you could only
Say what you need to say
Have no fear for givin' in
Have no fear for givin' over
You better know that in the end
It's better to say too much
Than never to say what you need to say again
Even if your hands are shakin'
And your faith is broken
Even as the eyes are closin'
Do it with a heart wide open
A wide heart
Say what you need to say
-John Mayer
you know, this past week, i've learned a valuable lesson. that life is really short. that i never want to look back and wish i would've spent more time with the people i love. that i would've talked more with the people i love. that i would actually tell people i love that yes, i indeed do love you. to tell people i don't even know that yes, Someone indeed does love them. i'm really not good at saying stuff like that but i've always considered myself guarded in that respect. so this week especially, i've taken it to heart. maybe that's what we're all called to do. life is short. it may take a while to get to everyone to tell them personally-but i'm really glad you're in my life.
love always,
~P
Every little past frustration
Take all your so called problems
Better put them in quotations
Say what you need to say
Walkin' like a one man army
Fightin' with the shadows in your head
Livin' up the same old moment
Knowin' you'd be better off instead
if you could only
Say what you need to say
Have no fear for givin' in
Have no fear for givin' over
You better know that in the end
It's better to say too much
Than never to say what you need to say again
Even if your hands are shakin'
And your faith is broken
Even as the eyes are closin'
Do it with a heart wide open
A wide heart
Say what you need to say
-John Mayer
you know, this past week, i've learned a valuable lesson. that life is really short. that i never want to look back and wish i would've spent more time with the people i love. that i would've talked more with the people i love. that i would actually tell people i love that yes, i indeed do love you. to tell people i don't even know that yes, Someone indeed does love them. i'm really not good at saying stuff like that but i've always considered myself guarded in that respect. so this week especially, i've taken it to heart. maybe that's what we're all called to do. life is short. it may take a while to get to everyone to tell them personally-but i'm really glad you're in my life.
love always,
~P
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
satan lives in texas
i've always thought of myself as adaptable. i've lived/studied/worked on 4 different continents. that proves adaptability right? yet, i find it harder to live places that are unfamiliar in the states. or maybe it's just harder to live in texas-cause satan lives here too.
see last week i moved here and it just wasn't a good week ya know, my old housing coordinator i worked with as an RA at Pepperdine passed away along with my old pastor on the same day and then on top of it all, i move to texas. i get here and share a room with a girl on campus and it's just a situation where i can't live there, even though she was a really sweet person. i hate the campus, i hate the state. everything is screaming i don't want to be here. which causes me to not understand.
i couldn't figure out why i didn't have a peace about something i loved to do. hence, i didn't do it, then why would i be here and everything go wrong? it just didn't make sense! i was living on campus with this junior in college-it was weird because i could tell that i made her uncomfortable by being in her space. my profs were "blown away" that i had gone to pepperdine, which was also uncomfortable. although i'm an extrovert, i don't like being the center of attention.
so then, i came to the conclusion that i should just suck it up because i'm only going to be here for 4 months and counting down. and then, came the revelation...
my family is the most important thing in my life. i would die for them, i would do anything for them and i always said, if i had to choose between something i love and my family (if they needed me), i'd pick my family. well, the time arrived and all the signs were pointing to what i had to do, but i kept trying, kept complaining because it's not what I wanted. oh, i went through the motions of i'm staying here for my family, but i wasn't happy about it because i'm an idiot and for some reason thought the woe is me attitude for the moment was attractive (not).
In Jeremiah 29, I found people just like me. The Israelites were in Babylon (which could be texas). They didn't really like it there either. They were going to suck it up and be there only for as long as necessary. But then the LORD said, "Build houses and settle down; plant gardens and eat what they produce. marry and have sons and daughters..also, seek the peace and prosperity of the city to which I have carried you into exile".
hmmm....they weren't just supposed to throw ashes in the air and say woe is me. they were supposed to LIVE. maybe God was saying, "if you give it a chance it won't be half bad, it may even turn out to be a really great time"
see last week i moved here and it just wasn't a good week ya know, my old housing coordinator i worked with as an RA at Pepperdine passed away along with my old pastor on the same day and then on top of it all, i move to texas. i get here and share a room with a girl on campus and it's just a situation where i can't live there, even though she was a really sweet person. i hate the campus, i hate the state. everything is screaming i don't want to be here. which causes me to not understand.
i couldn't figure out why i didn't have a peace about something i loved to do. hence, i didn't do it, then why would i be here and everything go wrong? it just didn't make sense! i was living on campus with this junior in college-it was weird because i could tell that i made her uncomfortable by being in her space. my profs were "blown away" that i had gone to pepperdine, which was also uncomfortable. although i'm an extrovert, i don't like being the center of attention.
so then, i came to the conclusion that i should just suck it up because i'm only going to be here for 4 months and counting down. and then, came the revelation...
my family is the most important thing in my life. i would die for them, i would do anything for them and i always said, if i had to choose between something i love and my family (if they needed me), i'd pick my family. well, the time arrived and all the signs were pointing to what i had to do, but i kept trying, kept complaining because it's not what I wanted. oh, i went through the motions of i'm staying here for my family, but i wasn't happy about it because i'm an idiot and for some reason thought the woe is me attitude for the moment was attractive (not).
In Jeremiah 29, I found people just like me. The Israelites were in Babylon (which could be texas). They didn't really like it there either. They were going to suck it up and be there only for as long as necessary. But then the LORD said, "Build houses and settle down; plant gardens and eat what they produce. marry and have sons and daughters..also, seek the peace and prosperity of the city to which I have carried you into exile".
hmmm....they weren't just supposed to throw ashes in the air and say woe is me. they were supposed to LIVE. maybe God was saying, "if you give it a chance it won't be half bad, it may even turn out to be a really great time"
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
torn part II
i think sometimes you just have to say, "you know what God? whatever". not in a valley girl voice or not really like a punk teenager would talk to a young adult because maybe God would find that rude....then again, maybe not. i'll have to ask Him that one day.
but it's more of a "okay, God...whatever is supposed to be will be". sometimes, i get super bummed because things look like they are not working out like i want them to and then you just feel mopey. like annoyingly mopey. in case you're wondering, yes, it has happened before.
but then, i remember that you know what? God's plan hasn't changed, though it looks like everything else has...the only thing that has changed is the way i see it.
so i just need to relax
~p
but it's more of a "okay, God...whatever is supposed to be will be". sometimes, i get super bummed because things look like they are not working out like i want them to and then you just feel mopey. like annoyingly mopey. in case you're wondering, yes, it has happened before.
but then, i remember that you know what? God's plan hasn't changed, though it looks like everything else has...the only thing that has changed is the way i see it.
so i just need to relax
~p
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