torn part II

i think sometimes you just have to say, "you know what God? whatever". not in a valley girl voice or not really like a punk teenager would talk to a young adult because maybe God would find that rude....then again, maybe not. i'll have to ask Him that one day.

but it's more of a "okay, God...whatever is supposed to be will be". sometimes, i get super bummed because things look like they are not working out like i want them to and then you just feel mopey. like annoyingly mopey. in case you're wondering, yes, it has happened before.

but then, i remember that you know what? God's plan hasn't changed, though it looks like everything else has...the only thing that has changed is the way i see it.

so i just need to relax

~p

torn

i like quotes. i think we all do. it somewhat gives you self-satisfaction when you can find one, knowing that someone brilliant feels as you do. there's one by mark twain that says:

"twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did so. so throw off the bowlines. sail away from the safe harbor. catch the trade winds in your sails. explore. dream. discover"

i've always thought of that as my advocate for going away and working elsewhere. but what if he's also talking about staying? for me, sailing away for the safe harbor is staying.

where is the line between doing what you want to do and what you have to do?

i guess it's true, twenty years from now, i don't want to be disappointed in what i chose to not do.

to be continued....

~p

it is now december

i know that i'm a contradiction. i don't mind. being home is nice. one thing i love about oklahoma is that unlike most states, it's quite slow-paced, but not so slow paced that you feel as though your mind is super slow (or super hick-well at least not all of the time). but then it has things that annoys me like, a lack of recycling centers and the fact that people don't really care about what's going on in the world at all.



a couple of weeks ago, the attacks happened in mumbai, and as americans typically do, we put it on the news for about 3 days or until "something more newsworthy" comes on. i think that's an american thing. we continually run off of emotion. that's one thing that i'm not too fond of america for. and here we are, once again-we've forgotten that anything has happened.



i guess you can say how i see tragedies as such, has changed since september 13th, when i was affected by the train crash in L.A. see, it's then you realise that the people that died, just aren't people out there. they are people's fathers, husbands, mothers, wives, daughters and sons. and their lives are gone for a senseless reason. families are torn apart, lives are forever changed and for what? whether in mumbai for reasons of terror or in LA because someone was texting while driving a train full of the day's commuters.

then it makes you wonder about the pure badness in the world. why does it have to be this way? i know the reason that we live in a fallen world and who am i to think that just because i follow the One who made the world good, that i'm supposed to be free from things that others face? (little note to read byzantium if you haven't) no. and i know better than that-look at my life to see that, but sometimes, i just have to verbally say or write down my thoughts because it puts things into perspective. i'm glad i serve a God that can take my questions, who is big enough to handle me when i get angry and frustrated with Him and don't understand the world and why it is so. but then He reminds me that He is good. and i can choose to bring good where i am or to bring badness which is spoiled goodness. most of all, He reminds me just how awesome Heaven is going to be.

~P