knock over my sandcastle and i'll kick you in the throat

so i got back from mexico a little over a week ago. it was okay. wasn't life-changing or anything, but it had some fun moments....and some not so fun moments of getting sick but i realised sometimes you just gotta puke. oh and also that after a fever breaks, that will make you feel appr
oximately 64% better than you were feeling.

it was a pretty small group that went. 6 guys and 4 girls. we were kind of segregated boys/girls for a while. we pretty much took a boy van and a girl van. so the boys decided to go to wal-mart without even asking us girls if we wanted to go. so, becca and i got bored and decided to duct tape their stuff to the ceiling.



but we also duct taped a note saying "we got bored. take us with you next time". i guess now's the time to mention that it was a high school missions trip which is kind of why i was allowed to do such. they did try to get us back by putting frogs in our room, but they didn't think that we're not freaked out by frogs.

anyway, we got to hand out bags of food to kids that lived in landfills and got to play with some kids at an orphanage. that was okay. but we had loads of free time. so it kind of felt like a vacation, but it was a really great intro for high school students into missions. we also got some beach time. after living in southern california for 2 years, then liberia, both places where i could look out of where i lived and see the ocean. i have desperately missed the beach. however, this was the first time i built a sandcastle. ours won. complete with watchtower, community swimming pool, and landfill. apparently, we were brooklyn.



the other team were the bronx and unfortunately couldn't get the moat to work:


the last group of the boys were to be manhattan (i don't know why we were NY, we didn't have anyone in our group from NY).


but now i actually have a respect for sandcastles and why you should never even think about knocking them over. it's a big deal. so, that's kind of the extent of mexico. now, on to find a job.

love,
p

i want to be like water

okay so where did i leave off? oh right. I love America.

i was initially working the gate for a couple of hours after help set some stuff up. but then that night we were supposed to have the amazing reggie dabbs speak. somewhere around 6:30-7, it starts to rain-bad. so every one has to get in their cars to take shelter, hopefully wait it out. so i get in a car with people who became new friends since my car was so far away and then i leave to find out what's going on. apparently people are saying everything is cancelled. i know reggie. nothing would be canceled on his watch.

so i find him, get to hang out with him and talk about mutual friends we have in florida. and it clears up a bit. he says he's going to speak. so he plays the saxophone and brings people back in. slowly, you see people coming back. then, he does the thriller tribute to michael jackson and probably 1,000 people are out there doing thriller. not correctly though. only savannah and i were the ones who knew how to actually do the dance. so we do it in the rain that has started to pick up a little bit.

after reggie speaks, it kind of starts to pour, but luckily, knowing the right people, i get on a golfcart and don't get as soaked, but what an experience. watching fireworks in the rain. and after having an h2h with my students. good times. as i was sitting in the golf cart watching the rain-the rain wasn't a bad thing. it was so nice-especially because it was so hot. it was refreshing to see rain-even if it drove people away.

and i thought back to a Liberia moment where my friend Taya and I were walking through the forest for what seemed like forever. we ran out of water the last day and when we got to the end, we couldn't care less if anyone picked us up to take us to base on time. we just wanted water. when we drank it, it was the most incredible thing i had ever tasted in that moment. it was what we needed to be refreshed.

water's also flexible. it can go anywhere and fit in places other things can't. i want to be like water.

on a horrible sidenote-considering that would've been a great note to end on-i'm going to mexico tomorrow for a week. this should be interesting. usually people go on multiple missions trips to realise they want to be overseas. i'm kind of going backwards-but that's just how i do things i guess. i'm going with my teenagers, so this should be interesting. we'll see what happens.

love,
patty

camp and i guess we like america

well, i guess i've kept myself busy this summer by hanging out with teenagers. they tend to make time go byquickly. i went to camp as a rec assistant last month and it was fun as it always is. here is a group pic of all the kids, counselors, and RAs we took to camp.


this was really a great camp. great speakers. no drama. except for autumn and katelyn who would sit on my bed singing, "wake me up before you go go" which they only knew a couple of lines to until 2 something in the morning while every one else was sleeping. i guess it's a good thing they're in junior high and still cute.

as always, camp was tiring but loads of fun. then we had the fourth of july. my church puts on a community event called i love america. this is what the stage look like-i stole this pic from my friend matt



but holy cow it was so hot that day this is the unattractive affects of heat exhaustion.

i'm going to write another post, because it's going to get too long.
i'll save your eyes.
love,
p

deja vu

if there is one thing i'm pretty positive about, it would be that i am not a poster child for what a mid-20 person is supposed to be. i mean i'm not established. i don't even have a fish.

it's kind of the same cycle of thoughts that i've had every time there is a lull in my life. lull being silence when i'm waiting to move on. over the past year or so, i think i've become more comfortable with silence than i used to be. until i have a moment of silence. i don't think i'll ever get used to waiting for what's next, not knowing. i'm pretty sure that will always be annoying to me. it always seems that when i all i want to do is to follow what i'm supposed to for the next moment, then there's silence and i'm lost.

again.

i guess the actual process of being lost isn't so bad. it's when the worry sets in and the thoughts come in that it gets bad. "hmm...what am i going to do in a month? how long am i here? am i going to be homeless? jobless? oh, crap. this sucks."

i used to be a worrier. i don't know exactly when it happened but i got to this point where i stopped worrying legitimately. i don't trust people very easily but i found this person that i trusted and He once said, "do not worry about tomorrow for today has enough trouble of its own". He really is trustworthy this guy. i stopped worrying for a couple of years. it seems that over the past couple of weeks, this worry has returned something fierce and i don't know why. it's one of those gnawing at your gut type worry where when you think about it long enough , you need to put your hands in the air and put your head between your legs while you're hyperventilating (well, maybe not that bad, but i like to look on the bright side that things can indeed get worse).

i guess i'm just made differently. i never asked for it. i mean it's like my life is a whole process of being ADD. i've been back in the states for over 6 months and it's something i can't shake. being in the same place for this long- even though i've moved within that 6 months. i'm not talking about just having an itch because i'm at the age where i can travel and i'm allowed to do so-i'm just unstable (even though i guess i prefer the term fluid-it makes it sound better). but i wonder if it just ever gets ridiculous? i MUST leave the country again.

i guess i get to the point where when people somewhat tease me about always leaving, about never being able to keep up with what i'm doing-i've gotten to the point to where i don't really have a comeback anymore. and your mom jokes no longer count as wit i've been told.

it's not like i don't trust that something will be provided and that i won't be exactly where i'm supposed to be, because i will be. it just flat out stinks when you have absolutely no control over what happens in your life for the next month much less 6 months much less year. it's always that long-drawn out process of learning-i mean haven't i learned enough? i might be a professional student but i don't NEED this! i don't like deja vu' because this looks awfully familiar. and if you're one of like the 3 people that read my blog-this probably looks familiar too. i promise i'll stop the insanity one day.as soon as i get an answer.

love,
p

to belong part I

be·long : to fit into a group naturally

you know, there's certain places you go and you just feel like it's natural. almost like it was meant to be from the beginning. kind of just like you belong. like the people you were with were put there to be with you.

5 months ago, i came back from liberia. it was really hard for me. harder than i think i could have ever imagined. first of all, i had no desire to be in dallas, where i would be living. i had no desire to even be in the states, but that's how it worked out. but i guess i had a harder time relating to people than i thought i would. i've always been a people person. i find people fascinating, but i've never had a problem relating to anyone no matter what the background.

i came back and didn't expect people to understand. but wasn't expecting myself to lose my related-ness. what am i supposed to say? "oh, yes, hello person wearing entirely way too much makeup with your useless stuff who tries to tell me stories about your 3 day missions trip to mexico in hopes to 'relate' back to me... please stop talking to me". i found it easier to just not say anything.

so, i came to the conclusion that i think people think i'm mean now. this is new for me. because i'm really not. really. mean that is. so i don't know how to convince people that i'm not.

now especially, with not knowing what will come in the next couple of months. i feel like i'm once again searching for where i belong. asking, "if what i hope doesn't work out, do i belong here?" or even asking, "where do i belong?" where am i understood?


as it is now 1 a.m., i'm putting this on pause and will write another post later. true, i could save the draft and post it later, but i just don't think i will. here you go. my thoughts for today.



love,
patty

maybe they should stick to coffee

guy on tv protesting at a tea party: (paraphrased by me):

"i'm protesting because i don't understand how a president who wants to be like abraham lincoln could do this! lincoln stood for liberty! our liberty is being taken away from high taxes.....etc. etc. etc."

fact: President Lincoln was the first president to incorporate a progressive income tax.

oh, my people.

it really is more than just a song

it's Good Friday. isn't it supposed to be like the day to blog and think deep thoughts about what this day represents? probably. just to preface, mine probably won't be that deep.

today, I remember what my Saviour, Jesus Christ did for me although i should remember every day sometimes it's one of those, "thanks God. You know I appreciate You. You know i wouldn't be here without You". but sometimes, it's good to really sit and remember that the God who made the entire universe is in love with me. He's in love with you too. c.s. lewis is my favourite and he wrote, "Christ died for men precisely because men are not worth dying for; to make them worth it". gosh that blows my mind. it blows my mind that the God who created things i can't even fathom cheers for me when i'm happy and when i'm confused or sad He puts His arms around me because He is concerned for me. wow.

In reading the Easter story, I came across Matthew 26:50. Matthew's account is probably my favourite because even when Judas betrays Jesus, Jesus still calls him Friend.

i'm usually anti-cliche' statements, and i think it's sad that it has almost become a statement that doesn't mean anything anymore when we say, "oh yeah God, thanks for sending Jesus to die for me and for raising Him from the dead" and we really don't think of everything that really meant. of everything that really means.

today, i am once again reminded that Amazing Grace is more than just a song because i'm the wretch that song talks about. i really was that miserable, despicable person who was saved by the overwhelming Love of an incredible God.

so,



i reflect on today...the day that made Sunday Good.