to belong part I

be·long : to fit into a group naturally

you know, there's certain places you go and you just feel like it's natural. almost like it was meant to be from the beginning. kind of just like you belong. like the people you were with were put there to be with you.

5 months ago, i came back from liberia. it was really hard for me. harder than i think i could have ever imagined. first of all, i had no desire to be in dallas, where i would be living. i had no desire to even be in the states, but that's how it worked out. but i guess i had a harder time relating to people than i thought i would. i've always been a people person. i find people fascinating, but i've never had a problem relating to anyone no matter what the background.

i came back and didn't expect people to understand. but wasn't expecting myself to lose my related-ness. what am i supposed to say? "oh, yes, hello person wearing entirely way too much makeup with your useless stuff who tries to tell me stories about your 3 day missions trip to mexico in hopes to 'relate' back to me... please stop talking to me". i found it easier to just not say anything.

so, i came to the conclusion that i think people think i'm mean now. this is new for me. because i'm really not. really. mean that is. so i don't know how to convince people that i'm not.

now especially, with not knowing what will come in the next couple of months. i feel like i'm once again searching for where i belong. asking, "if what i hope doesn't work out, do i belong here?" or even asking, "where do i belong?" where am i understood?


as it is now 1 a.m., i'm putting this on pause and will write another post later. true, i could save the draft and post it later, but i just don't think i will. here you go. my thoughts for today.



love,
patty