they say to never write when you're angry....or something like that. well, i may be a little upset, but the upside is that i'm not writing based on something that has happened to me recently, but to someone i care about.
so, i bring up a topic. i guess it's a question of race and dating. you date someone of a different race and they legitimately like you, but, you're not the right colour. funny thing is: happens when you date non-Christians, but just the same with Christians too.
then you have the other side-those that date you because you're the exotic girl. which...if that's your agenda-there are like at least 3 billion people in the world who are not of the same colour as you. pick them for your little exotic experiment.
what brings about this righteous indignation? or something like it? it can affect everyone-even a friend that's white who was dating someone not white and the other non-white had a problem. why? the parents had a problem.
why can't people not like people based on personality? tell me that i talk too much or that i'm too bossy or that i'm too spiritual. but do NOT under any circumstance when race is the case act like it's not just to ease your conscience.
i'm not naive. i lived in springfield, mo. for 4 years-ethnic population total of all minorities at the time was like 3%. i've dealt with people who have treated me badly or made the mistake of treating my parents badly because of race. it happens. i get it. but why? i can't even count the number of times it's happened. not just to me, but to legitimately good people and that's what makes me angry.
so i guess the question i pose is why does this even happen? if people aren't interested why can't we just not be interested? don't flirt, don't date when you know that nothing is going to happen in the first place. and as for not wanting to hurt the other person, either two things can happen 1) you already did or 2) they've been through it before and can't get hurt
or 2nd question-what makes it okay for someone to say: it's okay to date an asian, and maybe a native american, but not a black person. what's the difference? what's the line of what's okay to marry? it's all too confusing for this mixed chick to handle.
and if you think that way even if it's just way down deep in your subconscious: just know-you may be happy. but one day, you're going to look at your life and think, "i could've had better. if only i wasn't so stupid".
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Some people do well with grace. They wear it in clarion glory; they proffer it unaffectedly.
I do not. I like the laws of Newton, especially the one wherein every action has an equal and opposite reaction. Rules work for me. I appreciate a clearcut system of rewards and punishments. When I rebel, I know the consequences. When I comply, I expect reinforcement. Thus, when I unexpectedly needed to move and lost my job and had my car stolen, I wanted to know that it was all some cosmic penalization, something that would restore balance to the heavens. (As if my existence was ever substantial enough to throw the heavens off in the first place.)
I'm thinking, though, that my string of bad luck is mostly a lesson in grace. “Grace is everywhere,” said Bernanos and before him, St. Thérèse. So it is.
OH FRICKIN'--DELETED!
Too many windows, too much cutting and pasting, and this is NOT even printable, let alone at all what I wanted to say. Please delete, pleaseplease eewwww get it off the page!!!!!!
Up next, the ACTUAL reply. Good grief.
Being friends with you has always been a weird experience for me when it comes to the race issue. Not because I'm like, whoa--that girl is way mixed and I don't know what to do with myself. But because you're probably the first closeish friend I've had who's not at least half white. So when you get upset about racial things, part of me wants to say, "Yeesh. It's not a big deal. Settle down." and the other part of me tells that part, "Because you would know? How would you know, V?"
I wouldn't know. I've always been in The Majority. I'm not kidding when I say the first real conversation I had with a black person was when I came to college. Not because we're all bigots where I come from...because we're all white. I was taught about racial equality but didn't have cause to practice it until recently, so every time it comes up, I feel a little uneasy because I don't know what my role is supposed to be.
I guess I tell you that because I completely agree with you, but I'm not sure how significant that statement is given my background. I didn't become friends with you because you were African-Asian-Oklahoman. But that IS a part of who you are, and I became friends with you because you're you...so how separate and how integrated is a person's race supposed to be when it comes to forming relationships?
(Side note: When I think of race, I don't really think of skin color. I think more of culture...some people embrace their multi-culturalism, others prefer straight-up middle class suburbia self-imaging. Which confuses the issue in this white girl's head.)
I'm uneasy even asking that question because I think it will sound like I'm on the side of the perpetrator. I'm not. I think you should befriend and date people based on the whole package, not one particular aspect. I think it's ridiculous that someone as amazing as the Patty I know you to be can be brushed off just because your skin is brown or your eyes are almond-shaped.
I'm just wondering.
Can I just say, V, that you continue to bring so much of what is good in my life even though you're always at least 500 miles away from me and almost all of it comes from your writing in some form or another.
I would have never guessed about the whole college thing, but i think you play your role quite well. It was totally opposite from me. Growing up right next to the army base i never knew that other people didn't live with all the colours of the rainbow until i went to spring town.
and then, i don't want to be known as the part asian, part black, part red girl, i want to be known as patty, but sometimes it's hard when other people want to put you there.
but regardless, you're pretty awesome and i wish we could have coffee and talk about the deep thoughts of life. yep. let's do it.
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