a rush of blood to the...fingers

so, i hope everyone had a good valentine's day-good in whatever way you wish to describe it. true, personally, i think it's a huge marketing scheme and hence don't really celebrate it, but i do try to get my mom and dad something because it somehow still surprises them and makes them happy. when they're happy i'm happy. but i apologize because you probably didn't ask for my opinion about valentine's day, but i decided to give it to you anyway.

so i've been in school for about 5 weeks. it's going i guess. i've found people who have given me hope as to the reason i'm here for this period of time. i've come to the conclusion that even if it's just for 3-4 people, it's worth it. i'm still not motivated which is so not like me, which makes me wonder if i've just relaxed so much to where i don't care, or if it's simply true- i really don't care. at least it's better than being the constant stressball i used to be. that's when it's nice to know that when Jesus said, "come to me and i will give you rest" He really meant it, well, not that He doesn't mean everything He says-but that's definitely one I find true all the time.

i've had kind of some down time lately-which is kind of dangerous, because it leaves me to think. a lot. like just think. about things. one of the things i have decided is to play the piano again. i realised the other day when someone thought i was being humble-which i hope i usually am- about my playing that i don't know if i know how to play anymore. here i was-winner of keyboard solo for oklahoma, in the top whatever percent classically in the state-at every competition and every piano camp (don't make fun of me) and i really enjoyed it. sure, i played for church groups usually when someone wouldn't show up because i can hear the tune and pretty much get it, but the challenge was gone. i still remember the rush at piano camp of playing a piece so well, i KNEW that Lecuona was clapping for me beyond the grave. it was the challenge that gave me the rush. before long, i didn't even notice that i was barely playing anymore.

then i wonder. what makes us lose the rush of the challenge as we get (fill in the blank here: older, more comfortable, etc, etc). why do start settling for mundane? why do we decide to be with the boring person? because it's easier? because it's cheaper? why?

have no fear. i have not turned boring, dear friends. but know that decisions will be made soon. it's going to get interesting.

~p