a rush of blood to the...fingers

so, i hope everyone had a good valentine's day-good in whatever way you wish to describe it. true, personally, i think it's a huge marketing scheme and hence don't really celebrate it, but i do try to get my mom and dad something because it somehow still surprises them and makes them happy. when they're happy i'm happy. but i apologize because you probably didn't ask for my opinion about valentine's day, but i decided to give it to you anyway.

so i've been in school for about 5 weeks. it's going i guess. i've found people who have given me hope as to the reason i'm here for this period of time. i've come to the conclusion that even if it's just for 3-4 people, it's worth it. i'm still not motivated which is so not like me, which makes me wonder if i've just relaxed so much to where i don't care, or if it's simply true- i really don't care. at least it's better than being the constant stressball i used to be. that's when it's nice to know that when Jesus said, "come to me and i will give you rest" He really meant it, well, not that He doesn't mean everything He says-but that's definitely one I find true all the time.

i've had kind of some down time lately-which is kind of dangerous, because it leaves me to think. a lot. like just think. about things. one of the things i have decided is to play the piano again. i realised the other day when someone thought i was being humble-which i hope i usually am- about my playing that i don't know if i know how to play anymore. here i was-winner of keyboard solo for oklahoma, in the top whatever percent classically in the state-at every competition and every piano camp (don't make fun of me) and i really enjoyed it. sure, i played for church groups usually when someone wouldn't show up because i can hear the tune and pretty much get it, but the challenge was gone. i still remember the rush at piano camp of playing a piece so well, i KNEW that Lecuona was clapping for me beyond the grave. it was the challenge that gave me the rush. before long, i didn't even notice that i was barely playing anymore.

then i wonder. what makes us lose the rush of the challenge as we get (fill in the blank here: older, more comfortable, etc, etc). why do start settling for mundane? why do we decide to be with the boring person? because it's easier? because it's cheaper? why?

have no fear. i have not turned boring, dear friends. but know that decisions will be made soon. it's going to get interesting.

~p

say it johnny

Take out of your wasted honor
Every little past frustration
Take all your so called problems
Better put them in quotations

Say what you need to say

Walkin' like a one man army
Fightin' with the shadows in your head
Livin' up the same old moment
Knowin' you'd be better off instead
if you could only

Say what you need to say

Have no fear for givin' in
Have no fear for givin' over
You better know that in the end
It's better to say too much
Than never to say what you need to say again

Even if your hands are shakin'
And your faith is broken
Even as the eyes are closin'
Do it with a heart wide open
A wide heart

Say what you need to say
-John Mayer

you know, this past week, i've learned a valuable lesson. that life is really short. that i never want to look back and wish i would've spent more time with the people i love. that i would've talked more with the people i love. that i would actually tell people i love that yes, i indeed do love you. to tell people i don't even know that yes, Someone indeed does love them. i'm really not good at saying stuff like that but i've always considered myself guarded in that respect. so this week especially, i've taken it to heart. maybe that's what we're all called to do. life is short. it may take a while to get to everyone to tell them personally-but i'm really glad you're in my life.

love always,
~P