i leave this beautiful country tomorrow. still not sure if i will be back for sure in january or not. am reminded of a prayer i found that sums up what this moment in my life (the moment of being in Liberia) has meant:
O God, our Father, we thank You for this day.
We thank You for those who have given us guidance, counsel advice and good example.
We thank You for those in whose company the sun shone even in the rain, and who brought a smile to our faces even when things were grim.
We thank You for those in whose company the frightening things were not so alarming, and the hard things not so difficult.
We thank You for those whose presence saved us from falling to temptation, and enabled us to do the right.
We thank You for those whom it is joy to be with, and in whose company the hours pass all too quickly.
We thank You for happy times to be to us forever happy memories.
We thank You for times of failure to keep us humble, and to make us remember how much we need You.
Most of all we thank You for Jesus Christ, who in the daytime is our friend and our companion and who in the night is our pillow and our peace.
Hear this our evening thanksgiving for Your love's sake
~William Barclay
So be it.
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
Friday, November 7, 2008
a trek through the bush and a deep thought later
so, i just came back from what i earlier dubbed was going to be the "best trip ever". it ended up being good. not sure about the best trip ever though. the first day, we were scheduled to take off at 6 am. not really a fan of starting to do strenous exercise that early in the morning. anyway, we end up starting to walk around 7:15-7:30. around 9:30, i realise that i didn't have breakfast and i tend to get low blood sugar when doing a lot of exercise and no food. so, we attempt to fix the problem, but travelling with 7 africans and 1 canadian, africans don't get the concept at all of low blood sugar.
anyway, we do assessments in about 5 villages. total it takes 10 hours and we get to the last village where we'll sleep at about 5:30. 8 hour of walking the first day. the village was called nyemah and it was so clean and the people were SO incredibly kind. they gave us water to take a bath in, in this cute homemade bathhouse they made and they even gave up their beds for us! Even though we brought tents to sleep in.
So, the 2nd day comes and we move on. everyone acts like they are in such a hurry but i being the stubborn person i am have a pace that i go, and we're still making good time, but some of the faster walkers want me to go faster-hence ticking me off a little. we do 2 more villages in 3 hours instead of the 4 they said it would take and keep going another 3 hours to another village. now, when i say that i'm walking, this isn't some little stroll on the trail. this is a "knock you in the face-no motorcycle can go on this road-bush trail". in between our resting points, i can feel blisters beginning to form and even pop. so we get to this village and again they give us their beds to sleep on. by this time we're completley exhausted and are grateful for just a good night's rest. but we don't get one.
taya and i usually just sit and chat for a while before we go to bed. so we were doing the usual when i hear this noise and ask her what it is. she calmly replies a rat. i think okay. we live with mice. but then, the lid to the bucket in the room comes off completely and i just say, "what was THAT" in order for the rat to do that, it has to be massive. so, all through the night there are about a dozen rats and we can hear them chewing something, not sure if they are chewing through our bags or not. so taya and i keep the headlamp on all night, trying to scare the rats away-but it doesn't work and we only end up with about 2 hours of sleep that night still having to walk another 4 hours to end our journey.
might i add here that the people were so grateful that we came. i was already the first non-Liberian/non-native African to be there about a month ago and now i think taya and i were the first american and canadian in there and also the first "white women" to spend the night there.
so back to the journey. back the 3rd day, today, my feet are completely killing me, i ended up hitting my bad knee on a tree log the day before , so my whole right side just is not cooperative. i'm moving slowly, but we're sitll making it in the time they said. and i'm just getting beyond ticked off with lots that is going on, and i feel like complete crap and can feel my blisters popping, which honestly feels like your feet are bleeding. and i'm just ticked.
we end up waiting for about 4 hours for a car to come and then end up walking small in the dark and by then, i'm pretty livid. everything is just getting to me, and i think everything is ridiculous and asinine. i guess we are all entitled to our bad days, but after awhile, feeling this way really bothered me.
why? because i have a masters degree, i've spent over 3 months each on 4 continents: i should have my life together. i should only be moving forward in who i am, right? it hasn't exactly worked like that. it's moments like those where i am reminded of a quote from my favourite book Mere Christianity. C.S. Lewis writes: "surely what a man does when he is taken off guard is the best evidence for what sort of man he really is. surely what pops out before the man has time to put on a disguise is the truth?" Almost 9 years ago my life was completely changed from who I used to be. I found this true love and amazingness of a man called Jesus Christ. only those who knew me can really attest to who i used to be. many will tell you i'm completely different and it's true. it's too much to explain who i used to be, but just trust me. so, on this trip the woman that came out at times wasn't the evidence of who i thought i was or who i want to be.
i had a pretty bad attitude for about 1/3 of the trip. and afterward, i felt horrible for being so angry because in a way, it reminds me of who i used to be and how much i don't want to be who i used to be. i often think that i'm making progress and it's moments like those where i don't feel like i'm making progress at all. as c.s. lewis also says, "we all want progress. But progress means getting nearer to the place where you want to be". again, in moments like those, i don't feel very progressive. because progress means changing for the better and i don't feel like i'm always better than i was. it's a day by day process i guess. certain days you do feel sucessful and a better person but other days, it just doesn't happen.
sometimes, i'm constantly reminded that no matter how many degrees i have, or want to have, i'm always as person "in progress". i hate failing. and it's crazy how the littlest things can make you feel like such a failure, even though you know you haven't completely screwed up. yes, i am a perfectionist and i'm learning that just because i don't handle things the way i should, or things don't work out the way i hope, the world actually won't fall apart. it's true that “after each failure, ask forgiveness, pick yourself up, and try again. Very often what God first helps us towards is not the virtue itself but just this power of always trying again….It cures our illusions about ourselves and teaches us to depend on God.”
so, this trek through the jungle was somewhat the same. it was long. it was hard. it was full of good moments. full of crappy moments. full of moments of laughter and moments of anger. but in the end, it was completely worth it. on the way up, there is this huge hill and i had to stop for multiple seconds, but johnny and bob helped me through. and that's like life too. people are purposefully put in your life to help you up that hill to get to the top. before i left to work on this project, i knew it would be difficult. i knew what i was doing and once again c.s....
"the process will be long and in parts painful, but that is what we are in for. nothing less."
yep. i don't want anything less.
~P
anyway, we do assessments in about 5 villages. total it takes 10 hours and we get to the last village where we'll sleep at about 5:30. 8 hour of walking the first day. the village was called nyemah and it was so clean and the people were SO incredibly kind. they gave us water to take a bath in, in this cute homemade bathhouse they made and they even gave up their beds for us! Even though we brought tents to sleep in.
So, the 2nd day comes and we move on. everyone acts like they are in such a hurry but i being the stubborn person i am have a pace that i go, and we're still making good time, but some of the faster walkers want me to go faster-hence ticking me off a little. we do 2 more villages in 3 hours instead of the 4 they said it would take and keep going another 3 hours to another village. now, when i say that i'm walking, this isn't some little stroll on the trail. this is a "knock you in the face-no motorcycle can go on this road-bush trail". in between our resting points, i can feel blisters beginning to form and even pop. so we get to this village and again they give us their beds to sleep on. by this time we're completley exhausted and are grateful for just a good night's rest. but we don't get one.
taya and i usually just sit and chat for a while before we go to bed. so we were doing the usual when i hear this noise and ask her what it is. she calmly replies a rat. i think okay. we live with mice. but then, the lid to the bucket in the room comes off completely and i just say, "what was THAT" in order for the rat to do that, it has to be massive. so, all through the night there are about a dozen rats and we can hear them chewing something, not sure if they are chewing through our bags or not. so taya and i keep the headlamp on all night, trying to scare the rats away-but it doesn't work and we only end up with about 2 hours of sleep that night still having to walk another 4 hours to end our journey.
might i add here that the people were so grateful that we came. i was already the first non-Liberian/non-native African to be there about a month ago and now i think taya and i were the first american and canadian in there and also the first "white women" to spend the night there.
so back to the journey. back the 3rd day, today, my feet are completely killing me, i ended up hitting my bad knee on a tree log the day before , so my whole right side just is not cooperative. i'm moving slowly, but we're sitll making it in the time they said. and i'm just getting beyond ticked off with lots that is going on, and i feel like complete crap and can feel my blisters popping, which honestly feels like your feet are bleeding. and i'm just ticked.
we end up waiting for about 4 hours for a car to come and then end up walking small in the dark and by then, i'm pretty livid. everything is just getting to me, and i think everything is ridiculous and asinine. i guess we are all entitled to our bad days, but after awhile, feeling this way really bothered me.
why? because i have a masters degree, i've spent over 3 months each on 4 continents: i should have my life together. i should only be moving forward in who i am, right? it hasn't exactly worked like that. it's moments like those where i am reminded of a quote from my favourite book Mere Christianity. C.S. Lewis writes: "surely what a man does when he is taken off guard is the best evidence for what sort of man he really is. surely what pops out before the man has time to put on a disguise is the truth?" Almost 9 years ago my life was completely changed from who I used to be. I found this true love and amazingness of a man called Jesus Christ. only those who knew me can really attest to who i used to be. many will tell you i'm completely different and it's true. it's too much to explain who i used to be, but just trust me. so, on this trip the woman that came out at times wasn't the evidence of who i thought i was or who i want to be.
i had a pretty bad attitude for about 1/3 of the trip. and afterward, i felt horrible for being so angry because in a way, it reminds me of who i used to be and how much i don't want to be who i used to be. i often think that i'm making progress and it's moments like those where i don't feel like i'm making progress at all. as c.s. lewis also says, "we all want progress. But progress means getting nearer to the place where you want to be". again, in moments like those, i don't feel very progressive. because progress means changing for the better and i don't feel like i'm always better than i was. it's a day by day process i guess. certain days you do feel sucessful and a better person but other days, it just doesn't happen.
sometimes, i'm constantly reminded that no matter how many degrees i have, or want to have, i'm always as person "in progress". i hate failing. and it's crazy how the littlest things can make you feel like such a failure, even though you know you haven't completely screwed up. yes, i am a perfectionist and i'm learning that just because i don't handle things the way i should, or things don't work out the way i hope, the world actually won't fall apart. it's true that “after each failure, ask forgiveness, pick yourself up, and try again. Very often what God first helps us towards is not the virtue itself but just this power of always trying again….It cures our illusions about ourselves and teaches us to depend on God.”
so, this trek through the jungle was somewhat the same. it was long. it was hard. it was full of good moments. full of crappy moments. full of moments of laughter and moments of anger. but in the end, it was completely worth it. on the way up, there is this huge hill and i had to stop for multiple seconds, but johnny and bob helped me through. and that's like life too. people are purposefully put in your life to help you up that hill to get to the top. before i left to work on this project, i knew it would be difficult. i knew what i was doing and once again c.s....
"the process will be long and in parts painful, but that is what we are in for. nothing less."
yep. i don't want anything less.
~P
Saturday, November 1, 2008
somewhere between what could be and what is
i have been on a roll with the blogging thing. i don't know if people are actually supposed to continuously attempt to blog or not. but, whatever. i digress to an actual topic: i've realised that when i get 10 days or so away from leaving a place, the mindset changes. i realise, "holy crap. i'm really leaving". then i think about the people that i have been with and learned from. and for some reason, this transition time always puts me in a contemplative mood.
here is my contemplative mood for now: my life is the coolest life pretty much ever. don't get me wrong...your life is probably cool too. sometimes though i can't help but wonder what my life would be like if i would be doing something other than what i'm doing. i think we all do that in some way or another at some point in time of our lives. currently, i seem to find that more and more people that i once may have flippantly dated are now married. whoa. i think. I could be married right now. and that thought freaks me out.
i won't lie, it'd be nice to be married at some point but the problem arises with the finding someone who would want to spend the rest of his life with me. that's a really long time. like forever. and i know that i'm quite a handful. oh, my. poor guy. whoever he is.
to digress again to an actual point: i remember 2 1/2 years ago feeling the strongest regarding this issue of what would have been and what is and discussing it with my wisest friend, Vanessa. the conclusion from that is the same as it is now. just like history, you can only study what actually happened and as V states as only she can, "i can tell you exactly what would've happened if you did things differently in your life. it wouldn't. if what happened wouldn't have happened, you would be someone else freaking out about different decisions. you are you. formed from thousands of different decisions".
as i look back through my journal and re-read what i wrote then, i'm so grateful for everything i've been through. every opportunity that i've had and loved and every opportunity i've had and despised. life has been good. and it's so crazy that it only gets better!
um, that's all i have for now. one day, i'll try to write something heartfelt and life changing...one day.
~P
here is my contemplative mood for now: my life is the coolest life pretty much ever. don't get me wrong...your life is probably cool too. sometimes though i can't help but wonder what my life would be like if i would be doing something other than what i'm doing. i think we all do that in some way or another at some point in time of our lives. currently, i seem to find that more and more people that i once may have flippantly dated are now married. whoa. i think. I could be married right now. and that thought freaks me out.
i won't lie, it'd be nice to be married at some point but the problem arises with the finding someone who would want to spend the rest of his life with me. that's a really long time. like forever. and i know that i'm quite a handful. oh, my. poor guy. whoever he is.
to digress again to an actual point: i remember 2 1/2 years ago feeling the strongest regarding this issue of what would have been and what is and discussing it with my wisest friend, Vanessa. the conclusion from that is the same as it is now. just like history, you can only study what actually happened and as V states as only she can, "i can tell you exactly what would've happened if you did things differently in your life. it wouldn't. if what happened wouldn't have happened, you would be someone else freaking out about different decisions. you are you. formed from thousands of different decisions".
as i look back through my journal and re-read what i wrote then, i'm so grateful for everything i've been through. every opportunity that i've had and loved and every opportunity i've had and despised. life has been good. and it's so crazy that it only gets better!
um, that's all i have for now. one day, i'll try to write something heartfelt and life changing...one day.
~P
Thursday, October 30, 2008
rain just puts you in a writing mood
it rained today, which is somewhat surprising because it appeared as though dry season was here to stay and rainy season was over. i have always loved the rain. growing up in the dry desert of oklahoma, i remember when the governor would ask us to pray for rain, it would get that dry. i also remember looking out of the window and being so excited when it would rain that i would run outside with arms outstreched grateful for some relief from the heat.
beyond providing much needed nourishment, i can't figure out why i love the rain so much. most people after seeing the rain day after day would get tired of it, but i don't think i have. sure there have been days, but not really.
one thing about rain is that it has a calming factor. i know on a rainy day, i get to sleep easier. i think most of the times i'm quite spastic and although i've done better recently, i often need to be reminded to just calm down. i need to tell myself to stop talking and just listen. realise that silence isn't bad-just sometimes uncomfortable.
i think i look at how the rain just cleans the earth and how naturally beautiful it is. in the time i've spent in africa, natural beauty is one thing that has definitely stood out to me. everything here is naturally beautiful. in liberia, the people are even naturally beautiful. i know personally that i haven't worn make up for the past 5 months and i'm okay with that. not that make up is bad in anyway, but it does make me realise how much emphasis we ("we" going as far as meaning the western world) put on the made-up beauty of people and things instead of what naturally is.
so, rain, rain ...please don't go away. stay here and help me "process" as you always do.
beyond providing much needed nourishment, i can't figure out why i love the rain so much. most people after seeing the rain day after day would get tired of it, but i don't think i have. sure there have been days, but not really.
one thing about rain is that it has a calming factor. i know on a rainy day, i get to sleep easier. i think most of the times i'm quite spastic and although i've done better recently, i often need to be reminded to just calm down. i need to tell myself to stop talking and just listen. realise that silence isn't bad-just sometimes uncomfortable.
i think i look at how the rain just cleans the earth and how naturally beautiful it is. in the time i've spent in africa, natural beauty is one thing that has definitely stood out to me. everything here is naturally beautiful. in liberia, the people are even naturally beautiful. i know personally that i haven't worn make up for the past 5 months and i'm okay with that. not that make up is bad in anyway, but it does make me realise how much emphasis we ("we" going as far as meaning the western world) put on the made-up beauty of people and things instead of what naturally is.
so, rain, rain ...please don't go away. stay here and help me "process" as you always do.
Friday, October 24, 2008
a Liberian bush adventure
i feel compelled to write more about my time in Liberia-since this is where i currently am...whether by the help of a certain person named Bev or not.
So last week, I went to Bopolu to see how our distribution for the project that I started managing about a month ago was going. It was going alright but some parts were a little rough just logistically speaking. Oh, and I can't forget to mention that we are attempting to do a 5 month project in 2 months but details, details.
So, I went up to see my staff, give pep talks and then I decide that I want to go to see the people that will receive our supplies of wire, flashtape and zinc in order to increase the output of their farms. The community that we are distributing in, does not allow access for cars or motorbikes, so you have to walk the entire way. There are 14 communities total in this district and i decided that i wanted to walk to the 2nd one. In one day.
Every time I told any Liberian that I wanted to walk there in a day, they would just laugh and say "impossible! it is possible for us to do..but you". so that made me even more determined to do it.
problem was, we got a late start. we didn't get to the landing until 10:40 a.m. so, we leave and then i see what they mean by "non-accessible". this bush is knocking me in the face and you can barely see the trail to even walk! then it clears and gets a bit better and we make it to the first village-wayamah. there we find a boy who was just bitten by a cassava snake which is highly poisonous. since this village does not have any health care system and pretty much doesn't have anything these people are trying to treat him with herbs. so, since we really can't be useful we decide to leave and keep on going to gbangay-2nd second village.
so, total of 3 hours since we started and 2 hours past wayamah-we get to gbangay. i just plop down when we get to the town chief's house. am introduced and then this old man keeps telling me that he wants to marry me. i'm so tired that i just don't even talk (because i don't want to) and i'm just staring at this man that is obviously drunk AND is off his rocker. THEN, he tries to kiss me...oh yes, and he was NOT successful.
i use that opportunity to say that we're leaving and go to see the rice farms. we walk about another 30 minutes and get to a farm where some women are harvesting. "can i harvest too?" I ask. they were happy to oblige. and it was actually quite fun but a lot of work to get the final product of rice.
so, one of the women says that she will make us some rice if we will stay. so we end up staying for about another hour and i did end up taking a short nap because i was so sleepy. then we get word that the boy that was bitten by the cassava snake died. it was sad and we went to give our condolences on our way back.
i totally didn't think we were going to make it back up this hu-mon-go hill because it just doesn't end. by this time, i had gotten bit by a driver ant and i can feel the blisters on my feet forming. i had to stop about 5 times on the hill because it's just so never ending but then we finally make it and see that no truck is there. so we're in the dark, it starts raining...no joke, it was something straight out of a movie. turns out, they left about 5 minutes before we got there thinking that we weren't going to make it, but they had to come back for us anyway.
So, on the way back i was talking to the base manager about how no one ran up to me to greet me or anything and he said, "oh, yeah! that's because they don't see people who look different from them. You're the first non-Liberian woman (well, actually, he said white woman, but we won't go there) to go there since before the war started".
Wow. was all i could think. i was quite humbled. true there was no road, but these people are such a beautiful people. so, we're actually going back next week to do some water assessments and i'm so excited. it's going to be the best trip EVER!
~P
So last week, I went to Bopolu to see how our distribution for the project that I started managing about a month ago was going. It was going alright but some parts were a little rough just logistically speaking. Oh, and I can't forget to mention that we are attempting to do a 5 month project in 2 months but details, details.
So, I went up to see my staff, give pep talks and then I decide that I want to go to see the people that will receive our supplies of wire, flashtape and zinc in order to increase the output of their farms. The community that we are distributing in, does not allow access for cars or motorbikes, so you have to walk the entire way. There are 14 communities total in this district and i decided that i wanted to walk to the 2nd one. In one day.
Every time I told any Liberian that I wanted to walk there in a day, they would just laugh and say "impossible! it is possible for us to do..but you". so that made me even more determined to do it.
problem was, we got a late start. we didn't get to the landing until 10:40 a.m. so, we leave and then i see what they mean by "non-accessible". this bush is knocking me in the face and you can barely see the trail to even walk! then it clears and gets a bit better and we make it to the first village-wayamah. there we find a boy who was just bitten by a cassava snake which is highly poisonous. since this village does not have any health care system and pretty much doesn't have anything these people are trying to treat him with herbs. so, since we really can't be useful we decide to leave and keep on going to gbangay-2nd second village.
so, total of 3 hours since we started and 2 hours past wayamah-we get to gbangay. i just plop down when we get to the town chief's house. am introduced and then this old man keeps telling me that he wants to marry me. i'm so tired that i just don't even talk (because i don't want to) and i'm just staring at this man that is obviously drunk AND is off his rocker. THEN, he tries to kiss me...oh yes, and he was NOT successful.
i use that opportunity to say that we're leaving and go to see the rice farms. we walk about another 30 minutes and get to a farm where some women are harvesting. "can i harvest too?" I ask. they were happy to oblige. and it was actually quite fun but a lot of work to get the final product of rice.
so, one of the women says that she will make us some rice if we will stay. so we end up staying for about another hour and i did end up taking a short nap because i was so sleepy. then we get word that the boy that was bitten by the cassava snake died. it was sad and we went to give our condolences on our way back.
i totally didn't think we were going to make it back up this hu-mon-go hill because it just doesn't end. by this time, i had gotten bit by a driver ant and i can feel the blisters on my feet forming. i had to stop about 5 times on the hill because it's just so never ending but then we finally make it and see that no truck is there. so we're in the dark, it starts raining...no joke, it was something straight out of a movie. turns out, they left about 5 minutes before we got there thinking that we weren't going to make it, but they had to come back for us anyway.
So, on the way back i was talking to the base manager about how no one ran up to me to greet me or anything and he said, "oh, yeah! that's because they don't see people who look different from them. You're the first non-Liberian woman (well, actually, he said white woman, but we won't go there) to go there since before the war started".
Wow. was all i could think. i was quite humbled. true there was no road, but these people are such a beautiful people. so, we're actually going back next week to do some water assessments and i'm so excited. it's going to be the best trip EVER!
~P
Sunday, October 19, 2008
a political venting session
I despise election season. I hate talking about politics. Why is this you may ask when I have spent 6 years studying it and have an advanced degree in it? Is it because everyone makes you feel as though you are a horrible person if you do not vote a certain way? I think so. What beyond aggravates me is when people say, "if you don't vote this way, you aren't voting for the will of God" or other statements that are just as ridiculous. Are you telling me that if I do not vote your way that I do not love God? Who are you to say that?
I am not a Republican. I am not a Democrat. I belive things on different sides. Is universal healthcare not Biblical?
I like debate. I like learning from other people. I DON'T like debating when people do not want to listen and have no earthly idea what they are talking about. Are you even aware how far both parties ideas have changed over the years or are you too busy voting straight ticket to notice?
For example, 20 years ago, Republicans wanted NOTHING to do with education. Now all of a sudden Republicans wnat EVERYTHING to do with no child left behind completely oblivious to the fact that they are now neo-cons.
What brings this blog to the surface you ask? People who have the GALL to tell me that just because I don't think McCain is the best thing since sliced bread, telling me that I'm not voting "in touch with God". As a Christian, I am upset with these people and those like them. Are you showing people the love of God? Let me answer that for you...that would be NO.
When I was working in D.C. at the Russell Senate Building, there was once a pro-life rally. I thought, okay it is as good of an idea as any other. I come back from work and there is their trash EVERYWHERE. I was so vexed because it makes all pro-lifers look bad and I attempted to pick up the trash but there was just too much. Is this being a good steward? Is this showing love?
All I ask, if you're a Republican, Democrat, Independent, or none of the above-is do you know WHY you vote the way you do? Do you even know WHY you believe it? This isn't a bashing session for either side because again I agree with things on either side. Just respect the opinions of other people. That...is all I ask.
I'm just asking for a clean race from US, the voters. Don't bash other people. Open your mind and realise that we all want the same thing...a better America.
We just have different ways to get there.
I am not a Republican. I am not a Democrat. I belive things on different sides. Is universal healthcare not Biblical?
I like debate. I like learning from other people. I DON'T like debating when people do not want to listen and have no earthly idea what they are talking about. Are you even aware how far both parties ideas have changed over the years or are you too busy voting straight ticket to notice?
For example, 20 years ago, Republicans wanted NOTHING to do with education. Now all of a sudden Republicans wnat EVERYTHING to do with no child left behind completely oblivious to the fact that they are now neo-cons.
What brings this blog to the surface you ask? People who have the GALL to tell me that just because I don't think McCain is the best thing since sliced bread, telling me that I'm not voting "in touch with God". As a Christian, I am upset with these people and those like them. Are you showing people the love of God? Let me answer that for you...that would be NO.
When I was working in D.C. at the Russell Senate Building, there was once a pro-life rally. I thought, okay it is as good of an idea as any other. I come back from work and there is their trash EVERYWHERE. I was so vexed because it makes all pro-lifers look bad and I attempted to pick up the trash but there was just too much. Is this being a good steward? Is this showing love?
All I ask, if you're a Republican, Democrat, Independent, or none of the above-is do you know WHY you vote the way you do? Do you even know WHY you believe it? This isn't a bashing session for either side because again I agree with things on either side. Just respect the opinions of other people. That...is all I ask.
I'm just asking for a clean race from US, the voters. Don't bash other people. Open your mind and realise that we all want the same thing...a better America.
We just have different ways to get there.
Sunday, October 5, 2008
i...am ridiculous
Have you ever had those moments where all you can say about yourself is "i'm ridiculous?" I definitely had one of those moments today. This weekend I've been sicky mc-sick-ing-ton. It was one of those times where you WILL remember being this sick because it doesn't happen often. i woke up and started puking up what my roommate calls "gut juice"-yeah, that yellow stuff mixed with water that makes you just want to stop breathing? we were supposed to go to robertsport and i felt horrible. i made my roommates go without me and i just decided to lie on the couch and not move.
i was pretty bored all weekend since the roommates were gone for 2 days and i was NOT happy. i mean, i'm not having fun with my friends and all i could think of was that this fun weekend wasn't supposed to turn out this way. i was supposed to be at robertsport enjoying this last weekend with 2 of my roommates on the beach and all of a sudden this bug comes out of nowhere. i never have been one to deal well when things go differently than i have planned, but over the past 6 years, i've gotten better, since NOTHING in my life has gone according to plan-and i can't imagine my life if it would have gone according to "plan"...<--yep, there i go contradicting myself again (it's kind of a hobby)
a quote from one of my favourite books, the alchemist came to mind today, which says, "When each day is the same as the next, it’s because people fail to recognize the good things that happen in their lives every day the sun rises". it wasn't as though i thought yesterday was the same as the day before but i didn't appreciate the day for what it was. i undermined the wonderful people who took time out of their schedule to visit me and to check up on me. i forgot that God gave me rest that i obviously needed and would not have gotten otherwise. i have found a renewed love for applesauce.
most of all, even though i strive to win the respect of intellectual people, i remembered that even when i fall short and am ridiculously ridiculous and prove to be everything that is inadequate... for some weird reason the God of the universe just laughs at my shortcomings and reminds me of what really is. He's given me good things in the beauty that exists, in the people that are around me and in everything that is-whether i remember to recognize it or not.
i was pretty bored all weekend since the roommates were gone for 2 days and i was NOT happy. i mean, i'm not having fun with my friends and all i could think of was that this fun weekend wasn't supposed to turn out this way. i was supposed to be at robertsport enjoying this last weekend with 2 of my roommates on the beach and all of a sudden this bug comes out of nowhere. i never have been one to deal well when things go differently than i have planned, but over the past 6 years, i've gotten better, since NOTHING in my life has gone according to plan-and i can't imagine my life if it would have gone according to "plan"...<--yep, there i go contradicting myself again (it's kind of a hobby)
a quote from one of my favourite books, the alchemist came to mind today, which says, "When each day is the same as the next, it’s because people fail to recognize the good things that happen in their lives every day the sun rises". it wasn't as though i thought yesterday was the same as the day before but i didn't appreciate the day for what it was. i undermined the wonderful people who took time out of their schedule to visit me and to check up on me. i forgot that God gave me rest that i obviously needed and would not have gotten otherwise. i have found a renewed love for applesauce.
most of all, even though i strive to win the respect of intellectual people, i remembered that even when i fall short and am ridiculously ridiculous and prove to be everything that is inadequate... for some weird reason the God of the universe just laughs at my shortcomings and reminds me of what really is. He's given me good things in the beauty that exists, in the people that are around me and in everything that is-whether i remember to recognize it or not.
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